Habemus Chicken

Habemus ChickenFor every bro, a true dude stands behind him — an inseparable ally in the war for brodiocity, ready at a moment’s notice to take a bullet or a keg stand for his fellow brah.

For John Dudebro, that dude is Habemus Chicken: loyal sidekick, comic foil and an awesome bro second only to John himself.

Or, at least, according to him.

Despite his rock-solid standing as the ultimate wingman, Chicken’s extensive military experience and unwavering opinion of himself often leads him to believe that one day his brodiocity will outstrip that of even our mighty hero, leading him to claim the title of “Big Bro” from John.

Chicken’s a solid dude, no doubt, but no one’s gonna take the title of Big Bro away from me — especially not him. I’m not saying this write-up isn’t good, man, and I’mma let you finish, but yours truly is the baddest dude of all time. Of all time.

So what I’m saying is, don’t go expecting some kind of Habemus Chicken spinoff — I don’t age and I’ll never die at the hands of trash like SkullPro. Chicken’s good in a pinch, but the D-Bro’s where it’s at.

— John Dudebro

A German-born immigrant to the U.S., Chicken joined the B.R.O. Alliance at a young age, enticed by the bro way of life: its demand for poor eating habits, rampant alcoholism and the pursuit of only the loosest of women. As a rising star at B.R.O., Chicken was partnered with John Dudebro to expand his brodiocity and their first mission sparked a bromance that would last for years to come.

Through bro techniques adapted from the brobarians of ancient Germany, Chicken has mastered the ability to sport a popped collar in any form of dress — even when wearing only a B.R.O.Tech undershirt. This, combined with the almost unnatural tan covering his entire body outside the t-shirt zone, has consistently made Habemus Chicken one of the broest of bros and a man to be envied in the B.R.O. Alliance.

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